Letting Go

Letting go is not easy. Happy to have finally found our Dream House, and can’t wait to move in! However that also means having to say goodbye to my old place and moving with my stuff there, speaking of which: Despite two of us moving into a reasonably big house, we both still have to downsize a bit by getting rid of junk and stuff we no longer need. It’s therefore also about letting go of some of your old possessions. After 8 years in this current apartment, it is amazing how much stuff I’ve accumulated, many of them I’ve even forgotten I even had. It’s also amazing how in a span of 8 years my tastes and needs have changed so quickly with age, lifestyle, size and even love life! Hard to imagine that once upon a time, my life was so different. I must have been very unhappy back then, filling in a void with endless shopping, hoarding and cluttering. Oh well, I’ve put it all behind me now and moving on, as I’m tons happier now! And to make myself feel better and be able to let go of my possessions more easily, those big bin bags full of clothes and crates of shoes are being donated to those in need…

The Background

And so I decided to draw about letting go. That includes my wonderful apartment of 8 years I’ve been so attached to and reluctant to have left behind till I was ready to, my stuff, my past and “that part” of my life. And too tired and emotionally exhausted after a long day to get out my paper and paints, I simply made a digital painting. The background is grey for a change, perhaps expressing the state of my mind.

• Layer 1: Scribbling “textures” pre-set by the Procreate app
• Layer 2: Doodling clothes and hearts with gouache
• Layer 3: Glimmer and Bokeh lights (pre-set by Procreate) perhaps for the bling I once adored?
• Layer 4: And now begins the image of me in watercolour in the form of Little One, my alter-ego

Painting Me

I continued the next few layers with watercolour, but gel pens were used for the fine details. For the hair I also retouched with the app. And here we are! Yes that is a very startled and even helpless expression. Even feeling guilty about having been so selfish hoarding things I don’t really want but not wanting anyone else to have them. How could I have been like that? That is also just as shocking; I shudder when looking back at what I was like before.

After 8 years of feeling attached to my wonderful apartment in Amsterdam, I decided I was ready to move on. It took this long to take the plunge and move in with my boyfriend after years together. And The great thing about moving homes is that it gives you the chance to get rid of stuff. Decluttering as you know is very therapeutic and detoxifying. It’s like a revelation of your past which you had suppressed. It’s more importantly about letting go. I’m finally ready to let go and can’t wait to start a new life in the countryside and to donate my stuff to those in need. Exciting times indeed!