I was really having anxiety attacks last Friday. Last week was the passing of my boyfriend’s dad, and I was devastated. That Friday evening was when we were going to the funeral home to close the casket and see his dad for the last time. It’s been a very tiring and stressful few months for all of us: firstly the uncertainty during dad’s illness, followed by shock at the time of passing, then grief as well as preparing for funeral arrangements. And of course supporting family during this difficult time which does affect oneself physically, emotionally and mentally.
I figured one of the best way to deal with the ordeal was to draw about it. The afternoon before the casket closing, I managed to squeeze in some hours and draw. Express my mixed and confused emotions. Sad, angry, grief, shock, frustration, disbelief, and overwhelmed. Having grabbed my Watercolor Visual Journal by Strathmore, I took out my Kuretake ZIG Cartoonist Black Ink and bamboo reed pen and just sketched away.
I was hesitating to add expressions to the faces as my mind as so confused and I couldn’t decide how exactly I was feeling. But emotions are not limited to one. You can have many at the same time which is why we feel confused and helpless. Just look at these many faces that convey different emotions.
I painted them in with my Kuretake Gansai Tanbi watercolors. This time, I went for a light touch. I must have been feeling delicate at the time. Adding colour nevertheless intensifies the expressions and enhances the painting.
Another expressive piece created to convey how I really feel and what’s on my mind. I must say I felt better after completing it as I was able to “let it all out”. It surely goes without saying how painting can be a creative outlet as well as a healthy means to expel negativity. At the same time, I managed to still maintain the kawaii-ness to turn it all into positivity!